What is narcissism?
Narcissism is a term which some people say is overused. I disagree. The more people are aware of psychological, emotional, financial, and post separation abuse, the less it will happen. Everyone is somewhere on the narcissism spectrum. When we were toddlers we were extremely narcissistic. Unfortunately, some people never grow out of it and develop into emotionally stunted leeches disguised in attractive and charming adult bodies. The DSM-5 outlines key criterial for diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder which include: lack of empathy; grandiosity; a need for admiration; and entitlement. As a counsellor I cannot diagnose patients, however, I’ve had more than my fair share of narcissists throughout my lifetime from the dull and unaware (think sports star or theatre teacher) to the grandiose megalomaniac (like Donald Trump or the toxic CEO) right through to the most dangerous of all - the vulnerable narcissist, also commonly referred to as the covert narcissist. This one is the victim. Incredibly difficult to spot but once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Vulnerable narcissists can be leaders of movements, charities, or businesses. People who seem so good, honourable, and nice! They’re just good actors wearing masks whilst mirroring feelings and empathy. They drop everything to help a stranger whilst neglecting their “loved” ones. When we are in a relationship with a narcissist, things start off great. We are put on a pedestal. Then they turn on us and we may believe it’s something we’ve done wrong. We might internalise shame. Shame weakens us. Sooner or later we might not recognise ourselves anymore because everything we once were has been diminished. Perhaps we allowed our power to be taken away slowly without even realising it. When we are “in love” our hormones take over and we lose control. This is the ideal opportunity for a narcissist to take over your life. There is a great example of this on Netflix with “Bad Surgeon: Love Under The Knife”. I’m not saying the surgeon is a narcissist but he certainly displays many narcissistic tendencies and could have more than one mental health issue.
It’s often attractive, intelligent and independent women who fall prey to master manipulators by letting their guards down and surrendering to what they think is someone just as fabulous as them. They “fall in love” or as I like to say, they let their hormones hijack their logic. If you think or know that you have been mistreated like this, I would love to help you overcome narcissistic abuse and live the life of empowerment and freedom you are entitled to. When we are too close to something we tend to lack objectivity. Therapy with an empathic counsellor can help you gain clarity and freedom. Regular therapy has the potential to save us from succumbing to dysfunctional relationships. I can lead you through the fog and lead you to a life of courage and empowerment. You can get through it and you certainly don’t have to do it on your own. Let me work with you to find your confidence and get your life back. Contact me today.